Recently, I have been thinking about the meaning of listening, particularly within the context of Shibari. In my practice, I often emphasize the significance of listening to someone – listening to their body, their desires, and where they naturally lean. Many ask me how I decide what to tie or how I remember intricate patterns, and I think that I don't make conscious decisions, I just listen to the ropes. Because all this may sound too enigmatic, I decided to write a text not only to better explain my ideas but also to gain a deeper understanding of my own thoughts on listening. What do I mean when I say that Shibari is about listening, and what does it mean to listen to the body or listen to the ropes?
Listening as a level of attention:
The first aspect to consider is the distinction between hearing and listening. Hearing is the passive reception of sounds, whereas listening entails an intentional, engaged perception. But what does it mean to mechanically receive a sound, and is it even possible? I think we need the term listening to refer to a level of presence that goes beyond. And in fact it may fall short. We also use the term "active listening" to express even a higher level of engagement, but it can be misleading. ‘Active’ implies outward momentum, doing something, while true listening is about attentive reception without necessarily requiring an outward action.
Listening as a metaphor for receiving:
In my Shibari practice, I often use "listening" as a metaphor because it's not necessarily an acoustic stimulus; rather, it primarily involves the sense of touch. However, touch is a difficult concept, culturally I would say less developed. We use the word to touch to say both touch and being touched. Unlike hearing or observing, which are solely absorptive actions, touch inherently involves interaction. It is necessary to extend one's hand and engage to perceive tactile stimuli. When I say I listen with my hands, I emphasize the idea of receiving rather than giving.
Listening for discovery:
Listening, in this context, implies an act of discovery. It means approaching someone without a fixed plan and allowing them to communicate their needs and desires. It's about creating a space where the other person can develop and express themselves. I see my role as a facilitator, but I don’t have words, I don’t have messages. The ropes are the words. You are the message.
Non-Verbal Listening:
There are two realms in the act of listening: thoughts and emotions. Thoughts rely on language and words, tools that we borrow from the tradition, that come together with a cultural context. In contrast, non-verbal listening, involves a more naked, unfiltered form of communication. Music, tone of voice, birds and cars passing by. This is where the transformative power of Shibari resides. When freed from the noise of one's identity, our narration, culturally inscribed in our circumstances, the individual can explore who they want to become within the confines of the ropes. It's a space for metamorphosis. The ropes make a cocoon for you to break through. As Herman Hesse beautifully wrote in Demian: "The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must destroy a world."
Conclusion:
Listening is a profound concept that I find central to my Shibari practice. Words can only do so much to convey its depth. In this post I explored some of its connotations:
As listening, Shibari demands presence and engagement.
It emphasizes receptive perception.
It is a tool for discovery, to create a space for the other person to express themselves.
An expression that cannot be easily done through words, going beyond thoughts.
There, in the absence of concepts, there is an opportunity for personal transformation.
I find these distinctions helpful in comprehending my perspective on the art of listening within Shibari.
Thank you very much for your attention,
Pablo Shibari