She came to Tokyo expecting wonder. Three days in, she felt nothing. The city was too hyped, too familiar through screens, too exposed to other people’s imagination. Then she did something impulsive. She booked a Shibari session with someone she had never met. What happened next surprised her in a way she still struggles to explain.
After the session, we exchanged several emails. She was burning with curiosity, and I thought it would be interesting to share her experience with you. I asked her to do a short interview and she kindly accepted. This is the result.
What made you curious about Shibari in the first place?
I had heard about shibari in passing a couple of times, always in sexual contexts. Once from a former partner and another time from a friend. I had also seen it in porn. I assumed shibari was created purely for sexual bondage. The reason the ties looked so good was probably because of the aesthetic of how it was filmed.
What made you actually book a session in a new country with someone you had never met?
I was in Tokyo, three days into my trip, and I wasn’t really enjoying it. The city had been so hyped by everyone who had travelled there that it left no room in my mind for surprise. People would visit Japan and say it’s like another planet. But I was overexposed to social media, and I had visited Singapore a bunch of times already, so Tokyo was falling short of what I expected, at least in terms of cleanliness and technology.
I texted a friend of mine and told him honestly my trip wasn’t going great. He suggested I look up “shibari”, or check out some adult themed bars, just to experience “the kink capital” in his words, and do something different.
“I assumed shibari was created purely for sexual bondage.”
I had no idea about hostess bars, sex shops, or how open people can be in Japan until I started googling all of it. At that point, I was looking for anything CRAZY to enhance my trip. And I’m usually up for trying new things even if they’re scary. Being tied up wasn’t even that scary to me, at least not if it was with someone I already knew.
I looked up a bunch of stuff. And as crazy as I was, I knew I was not going to jump into the deep end right away. I remember finding one place that felt way too intense for me, especially on a Saturday night. I was pretty sure I did not want that, and I was not even sure they would allow me in.
Finally, I asked ChatGPT for Instagram handles of shibari practitioners. Pablo was the first on the list. I texted him and two others, and then of course went on to stalk their profiles. Instantly there was one post that drew me in. It said something like, “You are being treated to a rope meditation.”
Watching someone have a session in full clothes, with the word “meditation” attached to it, kind of changed my perception. It made me look at it as an experience I could trust and actually try. So after exchanging a bunch of texts with Pablo, we picked a date and time that was literally the next day. We did a video consultation late that night.
While speaking to him, I could tell right away this was not a “hooking up” situation at all. That made me way more comfortable with the idea of meeting a stranger alone in an unknown city, to be TIED UP, when I knew no one else. Writing this now makes it sound so bizarre. But honestly, I trust my gut, and I did not feel any negativity about the plan at all.
He suggested we could do one of three things. He could teach me to tie, we could do some ties and take photos, or I could simply experience being tied up.
I obviously went for option three after watching that Instagram video.
Here is the post that hooked me:
Looking back, how would you describe the session? Was there a moment that surprised you?
When we started, I had no expectations. I made it a point not to read anything about shibari beforehand, because I did not want to mess up a new experience with preconceived ideas.
But at the same time my monkey mind was talking constantly. Wondering how, what, when, yada yada yada. Just chatter. Should I stay still. Should I say something. Should I do this, should I do that.
What really helped was that Pablo blindfolded me. Over the course of the session I started going inward, and at some point I reached complete thoughtlessness. Just the feeling of the ropes, the sound of breathing, everything felt amplified in a way I would not normally notice. The music in the background created this dreamy, tense, uplifting effect.
Then there was a moment when the entire top half of my body tightened with one move. It was something I cannot explain in human words. And as he moved from one area to another, he would press what I can only describe as pressure points around my joints, then continue.
At one point he pressed an area around my neck and I started to feel a strange, intense sensation. The only way I can describe it is as the feeling of being pushed to a threshold, the kind of edge you might associate with orgasm, except it was not sexual at all. It surprised me because it felt purely energetic, not erotic. As he kept working around my neck, I could feel myself getting closer, and then my mind interrupted, saying, THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE. So the feeling faded.
Still tied up, we tried again. This time he pressed two points, one near my neck and one near my thigh. He did not stop until I allowed my mind to go over that edge. And I did. Again, I cannot describe what it was. I tried to Google it later, I tried to ask ChatGPT, and I did not get any clear answers.
Just the feeling of the ropes, the sound of breathing, everything felt amplified.
The only explanation I settled for was my own. That emotions, feelings, stress, life, get stored in the body in different places. And that going into a meditative state while being tied, feeling that pressure and intensity, and then having certain points pressed, can trigger a sudden surge of release. Like EFT tapping, but tenfold, I guess.
The process of untying after that felt just as supernatural. I was exhausted, but I also felt free, and somehow empty at the same time. When I walked out of Pablo’s studio, I just wandered for twenty or thirty minutes. No phone. No map. No direction. No music. I was so tired I had to remind myself to find a place to eat.
The curiosity started right then. After I ate, got some energy back, and my mind started working again, I could not stop wondering what this experience had been. It blew my mind open and left me with hundreds of questions.
After experiencing it for yourself, did your view of Shibari change?
Yes. EVERYTHING CHANGED.
I suddenly wanted to know EVERYTHING. Why is it this way. How do other people feel being tied up. Has anyone else experienced what I experienced. How does it feel to tie, instead of being tied. What are the origins of this art. I looked at it completely differently from the porn references. Not in a negative way, just different. It is ART. It is a journey.
Then the practical questions started. Why jute rope. Why that thickness. Where else is it practiced.
I started by buying a rope to take home from the trip, which I later learned to treat, wax, fold, and care for. I also learned quickly that one rope is not enough. With Pablo’s help, and constant emails full of my doubts, I found a gem. Master K’s book, The Beauty of Kinbaku, which goes into the origins of shibari.
He also guided me to YouTube channels that teach basic ties and safety, and a few other books. I gobbled it all up within weeks.
Looking ahead, what do you feel might be the next step in your rope journey?
I digressed while learning about shibari into Japanese culture and history, and ended up reading books on Shinto, also suggested by Pablo. My entire perception of those first three days in Tokyo changed.
I want to learn to tie. I want to find more people who tie. I want to be part of this community.
I cannot wait to go back, and this time do an extra session to learn from Pablo.
It makes me so happy to have found this art in the middle of the bombardment of social media and AI and everything that is not “human touch.”
I look at shibari as a strange connection, a strange force that reminds me we are all part of one source. It may sound out of context, but for me, the journey to Japan, the discovery of this, going through the nation’s history, wanting to learn a new art form and immerse myself into it, all because of one afternoon I spent in a quiet room with someone I had just met, on the other side of the world, makes me feel like it had to happen for a reason.
-Z.
Thank you for reading. This story is shared with her permission and lightly edited for clarity. If it resonates and you feel curious, you can learn more about sessions and reach out through my website.